


dear insecurity

by IanPeriwinkle



Category: The Flash (Comics)
Genre: Anxiety, Character Study, Insecurity, M/M, Marriage, Mental Ilness, barry/iris mention, basically whoever keeps sending me david singh asks on tumblr is working wonders for me, david is a loving boyfriend, proposal, so is hartley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:28:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27061198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IanPeriwinkle/pseuds/IanPeriwinkle
Summary: "David Singh was an anxious man by nature – and his falling in love with an ex-supervillain whose self-preservation skills were less than ideal did nothing to assuage this. "In which David Singh is nervous, and Hartley understands.
Relationships: Hartley Rathaway/David Singh
Kudos: 21





	dear insecurity

**Author's Note:**

> This is meant to be more of a character study than a story, but I hope you enjoy it

David Singh was an anxious man by nature – and his falling in love with an ex-supervillain whose self-preservation skills were less than ideal did nothing to assuage this.

He once again reconsidered his decision to propose to the man (albeit the proposal hadn’t happened _yet_ , but the ring was sitting ready where Hartley would never think to look – the back of the kitchen cupboards) when Hartley returned from saving The Flash, Kid Flash, and The Flash of China from Arkham Asylum.

“So _anyway_ ,” Hartley continued to tell his story, pointedly ignoring David’s expression of abject horror, “it turned out the Speed Force was all messed up, so I played around with some frequencies and managed to get them balanced out again. _Honestly_ , the Flashes owe me for how much I help them. I hijacked a STAR Labs helicopter to save their asses. I could get arrested for that!”

There were many other things Hartley did as a vigilante that could (and in David’s admittedly bias opinion, _should_ ) get him arrested, but he refrained from pointing them out lest he face his boyfriend’s wrath.

Instead, he approached Hartley and wrapped his arms around his waist from behind, pulling him in for a tight hug. David shakily released a breath into the crook of Hartley’s neck. “Would it be inappropriate for me to tell you that knowing The Flash, there’ll be many more rescues in your future?”

“It would not only be inappropriate, but unneeded,” Hartley smirked, and turned around to face David, pressing a playful kiss to his nose. “I’m going to keep helping him, David – it’s only right, considering how much grief I gave him in my youth.”

Again, David had to bite back his automatic response. Hartley had only ceased being a supervillain five years ago – and The Flash had only been active for a couple of years at that point. Really, Hartley was still firmly in his youth. And giving The Flash grief hadn’t stopped with his supervillainy.

After reforming, Hartley had started a campaign pointing out flaws in The Flash’s practices – his black and white treatment of crooks, his abuse of power (Hartley was particularly bitter over being strip-searched at superspeed, even before he was a supervillain), his over-the-top physical assault of his villains (Had Hartley really needed to have a building collapsed around him? He was there for the taking – he hadn’t needed to be hurt like that. And the publicised nervous breakdown that followed had caused quite the stir in The Gems’. Even Iris West had gone off their hero, and she’d seemed quite smitten with him until then.

David had only been with the Central City Police Department for two years at that point, and he’d dealt with Hartley personally a total of eight times over the period. The man had lost a lot of weight over the last few months leading to his breakdown, and he’d started to worry for him (even though David told himself he absolutely could not get attached to a costumed criminal).

So instead of responding verbally, with the memories of how Flash had ended Hartley’s criminal career running through his mind, David pulled him closer again and kissed him back.

In actuality, the event had brought Hartley closer to The Flash, and David closer to Hartley as he investigated evidence against The Flash. All the while, he was anxious for Hartley, whose mental state was less than ideal (and with no family to care for him, he was stuck in legal limbo while he couldn’t be responsible for himself), and he was anxious for The Flash (who, while annoying and a hindrance, _did_ protect the city in which he lived), and he was anxious for his team – especially when he uncovered some DNA evidence that he refused to share, even to this day.

So he supposed he couldn’t be too mad at The Flash. For then or for now. After all, it might sour his relationship with one of his co-workers, and tension in the office was supposedly bad for morale.

“David?” He hadn’t noticed he was shaking until Hartley held his hands and squeezed them – hard enough to feel the pressure, but light enough it didn’t hurt. “Are you spiralling again? Do you need help?” His blue eyes shone with concern, and David was reminded once again of how much he loved his boyfriend.

David squeezed Hartley’s hands back, and pulled away slightly. “I am. I don’t think I need help – thank you,” Sometimes he did. But sometimes he got lucky and just knowing Hartley was there for him helped enough.

“I love you,” Hartley smiled that little smile that was reserved for David and only David.

“I love you, too,” David closed his eyes and let out another shaky breath. “You have no idea how much I love you,”

“David, _ew_ ,” Hartley’s customary response still startled David to a laugh every time, and he pressed their faces together. “Should I be telling Flash to become the damsel less often? I love being close, but you seem so worried every time,” His hand came up to stroke David’s cheek.

“No, no. If anything, I think I’d be more worried should you give up the superheroics,” David sighed. “I love you – and that includes your foolish addiction to saving lives in the most extravagant way possible.”

Hartley smiled his smile again, and pulled right back, dropping David’s hands. “Stay right here,” He instructed, and disappeared towards their bedroom.

All of a sudden David felt that gnawing emptiness again – and _dammit_ , why couldn’t he just have one day without it? Just one.

He felt his thoughts start to spiral once more, rapidly going from his perceived abandonment, to loneliness, to fear, to death, all in rapid succession. He was just considering the possibility of implicating himself in a crime to isolate himself from his friends when Hartley returned to take his hands again. But something felt different – a hard cloth box pressed into his hand, and Hartley used his free hand to touch David’s face again.

“It is bad today,” He acknowledged quietly. There was never any judgement in his voice – never any judgement in his actions, either.

David swallowed the lump in his throat, and looked at his hands nervously.

The box was like the one in the back of the kitchen cupboards – the one he’d hidden for weeks, waiting for the right moment to ask Hartley.

“David,” Oh no, “You always worry for me. You worry whether I’ll be safe. You worry that I eat properly, that I sleep enough. Hell, you even worry about my social life –”

David tried to speak up, but found that the words got caught.

“I’ve never had that before, David,” his eyes were shining with what normally would be mischief, but this time held a seriousness that David was unaccustomed to seeing unless directed towards a political opponent, or an enemy – or on his bad days, The Flash. “You’re the first person who’s ever loved me like this,” he continued, “the first who ever showed me you cared, and looked after me, and took care of me – even though I’m a grown adult and it’s in no way your obligation to,”

As Hartley spoke, the loneliness inside of David petered down, squashed by a hopeful emotion that David only ever seemed to feel around Hartley.

“I love you so much, David,” Their eyes were locked, “And I know I rail on and on about how marriage is a corrupt institution imposed upon us by a tyrannical government that wishes to keep us all under observation for their own nefarious purposes…” his eyes now had that hint of cheek that David loved so much, “But will you, anyway?”

David couldn’t hear himself when he said yes.

* * *

Marrying Hartley didn’t help the anxieties – it didn’t stop him from becoming paranoid about being left alone, it didn’t magically cure his worry about Hartley’s safety, and it most certainly didn’t assuage his feelings of inadequacy every time he stepped into his office (especially now that Barry was open about being The Flash with him – knowing he was the boss of a superhero really set off David’s impostor syndrome, for whatever reason).

But having a husband to share his insecurities with, someone who knew about his anxiety and his fears and worries. That still helped. He knew that at the end of the day, he could go home, and he would have someone there to love him, and smile at him, and tell him that actually he _is_ clever, and he _is_ brave, and he _definitely_ is not alone, and is loved.


End file.
